Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
