You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
