The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
