Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
