Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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