Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
A+ Viking dick
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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