I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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