when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
