you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize