My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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