Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
