Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Randomize