when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
