Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
