and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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