Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My breasts were aching with rage.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
