i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
