that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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