If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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