did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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