I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
