I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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