I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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