I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
