you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
