Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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