my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
