You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
