i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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