i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
