Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize