Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Randomize
