Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
