Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
