I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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