it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize