oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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