how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
