and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
