Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
