just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
