Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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