i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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