I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
