We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
