I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
