I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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