1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we have pet lesbian snakes
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize