Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
