Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
