part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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