you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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