eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
