Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
