We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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