I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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