Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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