I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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