Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
