I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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