At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
