Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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