Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize