i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
