He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
