Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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