East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize