I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
