Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i love accidental penises.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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