I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
