So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
