she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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