just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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