so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
