repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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