Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
50% drunk capacity currently
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
