i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
