The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
