I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
