Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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