Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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