I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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